Please Send Help by Gaby Dunn

Author:Gaby Dunn
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: St. Martin's Press

8:11 PM

I haven’t brought up Ben in days BTW.

I know!

I haven’t brought him up either!

FALLING OFF THE OL’ WAGON

Ava Helmer <[email protected]>

10/24/19

to Gen

Okay, so I know I literally JUST bragged about not talking about Ben, but I have to bring him up because I HATE him. Guess who went to lunch with Halona today? Lacie. Guess why? Because Ben set it up. Is he already fucking Lacie? Unclear. Is he the biggest dick I have ever met? Absolutely. And I do NOT mean that in the physical way. He was average at best. And I am never having sex again because it only leads to bad things. And minor stinging if I don’t use enough lube.

This whole thing is ridiculous because Lacie doesn’t even LIKE Ben. And she was pissed at me for getting special treatment. (Hypocrite, much?) I think the worst part of all this is how DUMB I feel. I’ve always been bad at boys but I’ve never been bad at work. The only thing that kept me going was knowing I would have my success to keep me warm when I went to bed alone at night. Now I have nothing! And our radiator is barely working so it is very cold! My pinky toe feels like it’s going to fall off! If that happens I’ll be alone, unsuccessful and lopsided. The pinky toe does a lot more than you think!

The only sliver of good that has come out of this is my repaired relationship with Dana. He took really good care of me post-breakup. He didn’t make me talk about it when I was scream-crying in my room but he keeps bringing me snacks and inviting me places. Plus, he’s totally giving Lacie the cold shoulder now, which feels way better than it should.

Question: if you are mature, do you just not have feelings? Or do you only feel happy things? Like joy? What does joy feel like?

I hate Ben. Ben all men. Do you get it? Ben instead of ban. (That will be my sign for Women’s March 2019.)

A

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